Norman Reedus doesn't have a penis in Death Stranding

Norman Reedus plays Sam in Hideo Kojima’s Death Stranding. As a character he takes long walks, delivers parcels, and occasionally whips out his pork sword to piddle across the scenery or Geoff Keighley. Or so we thought. 

As it turns out, Norman Reedus doesn’t actually have a penis. Well, at least in Death Stranding! Instead, Reedus’ trouser snake is missing – possibly stolen or lost during delivery – and his urine materialises a few inches in front of him.

But how do we know this? Apart from guessing all along that The Middle Leg of The Forbidden One is nothing but an illusion, Twitter user Lance McDonald discovered The Missing Case of Norman’s Dong through the use of camera hacks within the game.

“I am very sorry to report that when Sam takes a p*ss in Death Stranding, with camera hacks, there is no penis to be discovered,” the PlayStation hacker revealed on Twitter, much to the dismay of virtual schlong hunters online.

I am very sorry to report that when Sam takes a piss in Death Stranding, with camera hacks, there is no penis to be discovered. pic.twitter.com/frHV54TRvP

— Lance McDonald (@manfightdragon) July 15, 2020

Reedus’ Missing Magnum Misadventures is now available to a massive new audience of PC players now that the game’s awaited PC port is finally out and about. We’ll have a review up sometime in the future, but maybe modders will have given the game a ReedusPeenus by then.

Poor Norman Reedus.