Why aren’t our bog-standard fleshy fingers good enough you ask? Well according to the study, in collaboration between SlotsWise and ‘experts’ “some games require more buttons to play”.

Rather than break out a keyboard or a controller with paddles on the back such as the Xbox Elite controller, the future of gaming will apparently call for buttons all over on an ultra thicc controller which obviously we’ll just need new hands for. 

“An increase of buttons on the controllers means our fingers, specifically thumb, index and middle are doing more work and must stretch further. I would therefore expect an evolution of our hands to include a lengthening of those fingers, with faster reaction times.” Simon Corenlius, managing director of Cornelius Creative explained in the study. 

The study seems to miss the point that instead of designing the perfectly optimised hand for gaming, we might instead push to design more ergonomic controllers that don’t require elongated back scratchers for fingers. 

Surely if we needed better hands for optimum gaming performance, wouldn’t that be something Razer was already marketing to us in their signature neon green? As much as dedicated gaming hands might be tempting, I think we should be fine for now. 

I had to look at these and now you do too. I’m sorry.

With gaming having become a commonplace pastime, this baffling study only feels like some oddball fearmongering for if those darn kids keep on gaming, or that someone at SlotsWire had to explain why they had these hellish images on their computer and this was their best excuse.